


i'm still undone

by winteryknights (BlackcatNamedlucky)



Series: the grave and the garden [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Pre-Canon, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackcatNamedlucky/pseuds/winteryknights
Summary: The minutes pass in the span of centuries and the sobs that wrack Andromache’s body, an excruciating combination of bone-deep grief and raging fury, slowly die out when she has screamed so loud she can feel blood trickling down the back of her throat and her eyes ache from all the tears she’s cried.An exploration of the immediate aftermath of losing Quynh.
Series: the grave and the garden [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852273
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	i'm still undone

Andromache feels empty. Despondent. Hopeless in a way she never has before.

She can barely feel the way her shackles dig into her skin, doesn’t register the blood that drips over her fingers or the taste of salt on her tongue. She finds herself numb to everything except Quynh’s screams echoing in her mind, the terror that had ripped across her face as she realized what was happening.

She tugs listlessly at her chains.

The minutes pass in the span of centuries and the sobs that wrack Andromache’s body, an excruciating combination of bone-deep grief and raging fury, slowly die out when she has screamed so loud she can feel blood trickling down the back of her throat and her eyes ache from all the tears she’s cried.

Her body sags, if not for the chains that hold her upright she would have collapsed to the floor by now, too exhausted to hold her own weight against the world. The numbness breaks, like a wave crashing against a craggy shore, and she agonizes as the skin of her wrists begs to heal against her bonds and her throat slowly knits itself back together.

~*~

She doesn’t recognize that she’s being freed, when Yusuf pulls her to her feet, a broken wail erupting from her throat at the unexpected contact. She summons what little strength she has left from the deep recesses of her body to beat her fists against his chest in a frantic attempt to get away.

He stands there, stable against her blows until she realizes that he’s not another of her captors, not another man sent to hurt her, and she sinks into him.

She has no tears left to cry, only the strength left to bring her hands, unbound without her noticing, to his back, clutching desperately to the fabric of his shirt, flooded with relief at the familiarity of his embrace.

When Nicolò asks, quietly, gently, about Quynh, she breaks again, body shaking with silent sobs against the steady arms she’s held in.

~*~

It’s not fair to blame Yusuf and Nicolò, she knows this, knows that the men had been doing everything they could to get to them both. Knows that there’s no way they could have predicted the change in her and Quynh’s punishments.

But she can barely remember the face of the priest that had torn Quynh away from her, his features lost to her anguish, drowned by the memory of Quynh screaming out for her. Her last memory of the other woman.

She knows that they are grieving, too, for a sister. She knows that they loved her. That she is not the only one aching with loss and guilt.

But they do not hurt in the way she does, cannot, did not know Quynh as she did. Didn’t hold her in their hearts as she did.

So she knows it is not fair to blame them but she needs _someone_ to, somewhere to put all her heartbreak and despair so it does not rip her apart from the inside, clawing its way through her heart and lungs and throat until she cannot breathe without the scraping of its barbs, until her heart pumps it and naught else through her body.

She did not think, that with all the misery gone, the guilt would start to creep in, swelling ever bigger until it breaks down the dam of her bones and floods her veins like poison.

**Author's Note:**

> the first of three outtakes from until your name's next to mine is HERE and it is HEARTBREAKING  
> thank you for reading! if you liked it please consider leaving a kudos/comment, it always makes my day :)  
> you can find my main tumblr at [the-sneering-menagerie](https://the-sneering-menagerie.tumblr.com) or you can find my writing blog where i take requests at [redking-scripting](https://redking-scripting.tumblr.com)


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